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Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. However, she's often caught off guard in relationships. Her husband walked away, which came as a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances disappeared then, since they had been only interested in him. It shocked her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, and must have understood better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, many of her friends have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending time together, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I start discussion points but she shifts them to things she cares about. Politically, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been organizing a holiday to a country I know well on several occasions and resided in for some time. My intention was to provide advice, yet it was not welcomed. She essentially solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I have come back from four weeks in that place she is eager to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she will ever comprehend the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is distancing myself. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to walk away, yet this is seldom the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution demands strength and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. It should be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. Step two is to tell her how it makes you feel. There should be no dispute here. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. The third step is to ask ways you together going to change the pattern between you."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. One effective method is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

This can be effective for promoting mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject all you say, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story of their life they won't abandon as it feels essential depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. It's tough as there is no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. However, she might initially present defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, you'll have satisfaction that you've been honest with her.